I don't think that anyone would deny the fact that communication is important in any relationship. Don't narrow the definition of relationship here. I'm speaking about all relationships, whether it's one between: a husband and wife; a boyfriend and girlfriend; an employer and employee; a supervisor and subordinate; family members; friends. The list goes on. It's amazing to me that so many people can't properly communicate.
Think about how you would critique yourself when it comes to how you communicate with other people. Are you a good communicator? Most people would say they are good communicators. It's my opinion that most people would be wrong. Ask yourself these questions:
- Do I lie or avoid telling people things so I won't hurt their feelings?
- Do I lie or avoid telling people things so they won't get mad at me?
- Do I ever tell people I will do something for them when I don't mean it?
- Do I ever tell people I trust them when I really do not?
- Do I ever expect things of people without having told them what I expect of them?
- Do I assume that other people think like me?
These are just a few questions to get you thinking about how you communicate with other people. Again, the list goes on.
It's my firm opinion that honesty is the best policy. So when you lie to people or avoid telling them something, then you are weakening your relationship. Learn how to tell someone something they don't want to hear tactfully. Make them understand, but don't apologize if you have done nothing wrong. Don't allow yourself to be the bad guy, because you are being honest. In the end, any person that is reasonable will appreciate that you were the one who had the courage to be honest with them.
When you tell people that you will do something for them when you don't mean it you are putting that person in a position to rely on you when you won't come through when they're in need. This can lead to worse than hurt feelings. This is not just a little white lie. It's plain wrong.
It's always best to be honest about whether you trust people or not. If you don't trust someone, there must be a reason. Is it due to something that person has done? Are they untrustworthy? Or do you just have problems with putting your trust in other people? Whether you do not trust them due to their actions or your own inabilities to trust people, you need to be honest with them. Explain it thoroughly. Don't sugar coat it, if they are the reason for your mistrust, but again be tactful. It's quite possible that if you are honest and tactful that they will solve the problem of your mistrust.
When you expect things of people you need to tell them exactly what you expect. Don't assume that it is implied or that they should just know what you expect of them. That will only lead to your disappointment when they don't do what you expect. This is so common. What's even worse is when people continue to let this go on. They often get frustrated and angry at the person who is not doing what they expect when that person has no idea that something is wrong. When you reach your breaking point and finally hold someone accountable for something that they didn't know they would be held accountable for then the only person who has done something wrong is you.
Finally, you must understand that people think differently. This is exactly why people will not always know what you expect of them or what it is that makes you not trust them. The only way for them to understand how you think about them and your relationship is for you to tell them.
In closing, communication is a two way street. Listening is often more important than talking. Don't just wait for your turn to talk without listening and giving serious thought to what you are being told. And when someone is being honest with you, don't get mad at them for it. Maybe their honesty stings, but if so then shouldn't something be done about what they are telling you? Maybe.
